


Lost and Found

by sapphicivy



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, POV Alternating, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25554304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicivy/pseuds/sapphicivy
Summary: "...I just-- I just got you back, Adora, how could I ever lose--”“The feeling is mutual, Catra.”
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 138





	Lost and Found

Catra held on to Adora’s body as tight as humanly possible. She could feel the intensity of Adora’s breath diminishing, the air departing from her lungs as she held on to Catra weakly. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t leave.

“Adora, please,” Catra whispered against her skin. She got no response. The body was limp, almost lifeless. But that almost was all she needed to know that she had to keep going.

“Adora! You have to wake up! Adora, please, I-“

“What makes you think that Adora would wake up for you, little sister?”

No. No, he wasn’t supposed to be here. Not now. Not ever again. 

“Leave.” Catra tried her best to sound stern, but it came out in between soft sobs.

“Ah, but I can’t. You see, I’m here for her. After all, She-Ra might be useful... dead, or alive.”

Catra gripped Adora’s body strongly yet carefully, covering it with her own. 

“No.” She couldn’t manage to say anything else.

“What makes you think you can protect her, little sister? She has always been the one to rescue you, if I recall properly.”

Catra sobbed into Adora’s neck. He was right. She was sorry. She was so sorry.

“Y-you can’t take her away from me. No one-- no one can take her away from me.” Not again.

Catra couldn’t contain herself. She didn’t understand why but she couldn’t put up a front this time. Her claws wouldn’t come out. Not if Adora was there. Not if her hands were holding Adora. 

“I just—” she paused, realization gripping her throat as the actual meaning of what she was trying to say finally settled in. “I just got her back.” 

Adora’s head slumped to the side. Catra placed their foreheads together, but she couldn’t feel Adora’s breath against her own anymore. 

“You couldn’t protect her.” His voice echoed in her head.

“Adora!” Catra pleaded, when Adora’s heartbeat began to dwindle. 

“She would’ve saved you.” 

“Please!”

“This is your fault.” 

This was her fault. 

. . .

Catra sat upright from their cot. She whirled around quickly, facing the wall to wipe the tears away from her face, but it was too late. Adora had woken up. 

“... Catra?” 

A hand, on Catra’s shoulder. Adora’s hand. And her voice, still soft with sleep. 

Catra couldn’t respond. The overwhelming fear of losing Adora was supposed to be gone by now. It had been a while since she learned to be somewhat vulnerable around her, since she told her how she truly felt. But every time Adora saw her like this, it made Catra feel so small. She wanted this for so long, she didn’t know what to do with it-- once she had it. She didn’t understand why she had it. She most definitely didn’t believe she deserved it.

“Catra, are you okay?” Her voice was so loving, so tender. It was perfect. It was Adora’s.

Catra wanted to tell her that she was. I’m okay. Catra tried to voice the words, but they wouldn’t trail any higher over the curve of her throat, no matter how hard she wanted to force them out. She couldn’t-- she wouldn’t lie to Adora, not anymore. She would lose her if she did, Adora knew Catra better than Catra knew herself and she wasn’t willing to take risks anymore. She wasn’t letting go, ever again. 

“I…” Catra began, feeling her lower lip tremble. “I had another one.” Her insides faltered between each other. 

Those words felt like knives digging into Adora’s heart.

“Another nightmare?” Adora whispered. 

“... Yes.” 

Adora knew what this was about. If there was one person that was going to torture Catra about everything that had they had gone through, it was Catra, and she was not going to sit there and let it happen. 

“Do you want to tell me about it?” Adora offered, her voice lowering to match Catra’s. 

Catra didn’t respond. 

“You don’t have to, if you don’t want to.” Adora added, running her hand all the way down Catra’s arm until it reached her fingers, and laced them together. Catra tried to give Adora’s hand a squeeze, but she was already shaking.

“You didn’t--” Catra swallowed roughly. “You didn’t make it. At the heart.”

Adora’s breath hitched. She knew that she should’ve been upset about the part in which she died, but she wasn’t. She was upset because she knew that Catra would blame herself for it.

“And I--I just laid there, with you. Just-- frozen.” Catra’s lips twisted into a soured frown. “I didn’t do anything, Adora, you-- you fucking died, and all I did was watch.” She considered taking her hand away from Adora’s grasp, but she remained still. “I couldn’t do anything else.” 

Catra blinked, her vision becoming fairly blurry. She was crying. “I’m so sorry, Adora,” Catra whispered weakly, looking away from Adora so she wouldn’t see the tears already trickling down her cheeks. “I’m so sorry--”

Warmth, cupping Catra’s face. Adora had let her hand go, to hold her head. Their gazes met. 

“That didn’t happen,” Adora replied, certainty brimming in every single word. 

Catra’s pulse faltered. “But what if it had?” 

Adora’s brows creased, but Catra couldn’t stop herself from continuing. 

“What if She-Ra hadn’t shown up? What if Horde Prime was right, and what if--”

Catra stopped, when Adora pulled her face impossibly closer, and their foreheads touched. 

“Catra,” Adora whispered. “She-Ra only showed up because you called her. You brought me back, and I came back because of you.” 

Adora tried to hold back her tears, but she couldn’t. Catra’s first instinct was to think it was her fault. It made her heart skip a beat. No matter the circumstances, she thought-- no, she knew-- that she would always be the root cause of Adora’s pain. And she hated it. She hated the instinct, and she hated her inability to fight against it. 

“Catra, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to tell you this, but--” Adora paused, her voice pulling Catra away from her thoughts. Catra could feel Adora’s smile long before she saw it. “But you are the only reason I’m alive right now.” 

Catra’s shoulders shifted. Scarcely a hair’s width, but the shock was there and it made her pull away, burying her face into her hands. 

Adora thought of her so differently than herself. Adora was such a good person, with such good people surrounding her and such good intentions. She didn’t deserve to be the reason she was alive. Adora’s life was worth more than anything she, or anyone, could ever do or be. Adora’s life was all that mattered to her.

“I-- I put you in this position,” Catra croaked. “You-- you tried to make me understand, but all I could think about is how you left me and how selfish I am, and how I let you take the failsafe even though I knew Shadow Weaver was manipulating you and I’m--” Catra stopped, drawing in a quivering breath. “I’m so fucking sorry, Adora. I’m so sorry I can’t be-- I can’t be what you think of me. I’m so sorry, I...”

Adora couldn’t help but feel like she could’ve prevented all of this if she had told Catra how she felt from the start. Maybe then, she would believe her when she said that she was worthy of forgiveness. Catra’s presence was enough for her to feel okay, and she didn’t seem to know that. Catra was more than enough. Without her, the world as they knew it, their home, would’ve disappeared. Catra could do what Adora did. 

“Stop it.” 

Before Catra could wear herself out even more, Adora touched her hand to Catra’s cheek, and Catra went silent. “We both made mistakes. We both hurt each other. But I made a choice, Catra. I had to do what was necessary. You couldn’t stop me, but you could help me. And you did.”

“I know-- I know that. I’m sorry. I just-- I just got you back, Adora, how could I ever lose--”

“The feeling is mutual, Catra.”

Catra tried to pause and reconsider what she was going to say. She knew that as soon as her thoughts turned into words, she was going to dig herself into a deep hole. But impulse control wasn’t something she was exactly good at. 

“No, it’s not,” Catra hissed, feeling the hair at the back of her neck rising with every second. “It shouldn’t be. You were better off without me. Why did you even-- why did you still come back for me, when I--I fucked up your life for years! I tortured you, and I tortured your friends, and I almost destroyed the entire universe, and you still--” Catra’s breathing heaved, and she could only spit out the rest of her words. “You still came back.” 

Adora’s blue gaze flared with indignation. “That wasn’t you,” she replied, shaking her head lightly. “That wasn’t your fault, it was mine. You told me that yourself.” 

Catra didn’t know how to respond. 

But Adora was enraged. How could Catra be so stubborn, as to not be able to understand that Adora wasn’t the hero she constantly criticized her for trying to be? How could Catra not understand that even if it was Adora who’d left, the fact that Catra didn’t want to come with her had absolutely destroyed her? 

Adora’s chest tightened as she glared back at Catra. “Don’t you think that I’ve been replaying those words, ‘You broke my heart’, over and over again? Don’t you think that I get nightmares too, from the day we found you, and you were chipped? Do you think that losing you isn’t as terrifying to me as it is to you?” 

Catra’s eyes widened, a mingling of alarm and pain. “No, Adora I-”

“Catra, you didn’t fuck up my life,” Adora interrupted her firmly. “I made a choice, and that involved breaking a promise we made. I broke my promise to you, the person I care the most for in the entire universe. I hurt you as much as you hurt me, but at least you tried to keep your promise, and I didn’t.”

It was true. Adora hadn’t even tried. 

“You can’t say that,” Catra objected, her brows knitting together. “You can’t blame yourself like that. I made choices, too. We both--” Catra paused for a second, “we both--” 

“Exactly.”

Adora knew that the only way to make Catra understand was to show her that she felt the same way. Pain was one of the only things Catra understood completely, and so did she.

“Both of us, Catra,” Adora whispered. “Both of us.” 

Catra fell silent. She wanted to think, but there were too many feelings clouding her judgment. She didn’t know what to tell Adora anymore. She never thought of herself as worthy of her love, no matter how many times Adora reassured her. She had never even dared to consider the possibility that Adora might’ve felt the same way. And she had never fully understood that Adora had lost someone, too. 

Catra never understood that she was someone. 

“I’m sorry.” A squeak. 

“I’m sorry, too,” Adora replied, without missing a beat. 

Catra hesitated. Then, she allowed her tail to brush one side of Adora’s leg, blinking slowly at her blue gaze. Adora remembered what that meant. She studied Catra’s face for a moment, wondering if it would be a good idea to lighten the conversation now. 

“I thought you said you never said sorry to anyone,” Adora teased, her voice still faint. A small smile tugged at the side of Catra’s lips, and she let it take over. 

“That wasn’t me. At least… it’s not who I am now.” Catra shifted closer to Adora, barely breathing as she dared to place a hand over hers. 

“Good,” Adora grinned, a wave of relief enveloping her. At last, she’d managed to make Catra smile.  
“Our mistakes will never define us, okay?” She murmured, not breaking away from Catra’s gaze. 

Catra still didn’t understand how Adora loved her back, but maybe questioning it wasn’t a very good idea. Maybe she should allow for happiness to be constant in her life, for once.

“Thank you,” Catra mumbled. She meant it, and Adora gave her a tender look in return.

She quietly led Catra back to the bed, and they laid down again. Catra nestled her head against Adora’s chest. 

“I wish I could help you as much as you help me,” Catra whispered after a moment, almost inaudibly. 

“Oh, you do.” Adora smirked. “You’re just too stubborn to realize that you’re actually a good person.” 

Catra bit her bottom lip, keeping her face at Adora’s chest so she wouldn’t see how her cheeks were flushing a furious shade of red. 

“I see you’re back to being a dumbass,” she replied promptly, struggling to keep her voice straight. 

Adora giggled. “I see you’re back to being a little shit.”

Catra laughed, poking Adora’s cheek once her face returned to its normal color. 

Adora had missed that sound so much. The thought that she’d get to hear it for the rest of her life brought her an inexplicable amount of joy and relief. She was here, lying next to Catra, and she didn’t feel guilty about it. There had been so many moments in the past in which all she wanted to do was force out the words that now left her mouth with incredible ease. 

As the words left Adora’s mouth, she knew then, that she had never been more sure of anything. 

“I love you, Catra.” 

And Catra, while meeting Adora’s gaze, knew she had never been more sure of anything as she answered. 

“I love you too, Adora.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time publishing a fic, I hope you like it :)


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